Well, I've never experienced a flight quite like it, and it's off season therefore tame to say the least (I'd be scared to see it in the summer!)
There were 2 stag/hen parties on the flight, and from what I gathered it was in the fact the opposing groom and bride, the women of which were all dressed up with their fake tan, short skirts, fake eyelashes and heels; the works. The men were all half drunk, and all of which were headed to Magaluf, or "SHAGaluf" or as most people know it. The hen oddly brought her mum and cousins...
The pilot threatened the passengers that any rowdyness etc towards the staff or fellow passengers would result in either the plane being turned around or upon landing being arrested and escorted by the police. This was also repeated near the end of the flight when we were landing due to the drunken men. A few had been up chatting to other random passengers, such as one who tried to teach Adam some "magic" trick.
Upon landing we found our coach and seemed to be the youngest on it. It was late, we dropped a few people off at their different hotels before arriving at ours 2 hours later "Blue sea La Pinta" Cala Millor. We are very close to the beach!! Unfortunately, our room seemed to be no longer available, so, after 20 minutes of confusion in which the receptionist opened the room to a couple we got a room in the apartments across the road on the 2 floor, with 2 single beds. not the comfiest sleep, but we were here and we had our all inclusive bands. The only bad thing...Adam lost the key to the suitcase lock, we'll have to get someone to break it tomorrow. 2am local time, bed was welcomed.
BUENOS NOCHES!
Saturday 26th April
We were able to get into the suitcase, unfortunately the zipper pull broke on one side, we were also told we could change our room to a double bed ground floor on the morrow (trying not to fall into the gap all night is not fun)
We decided to explore our local surroundings, seeing clearly that we were minutes from one of the best beaches on the island, clear of seaweed and no fish! We seemed to be at the centre of lots of shops, restaurants and some bars, although a few of these and some of the hotels were still closed. The shops were brilliant, clothes, jewellery, souvenirs, spars, etc, plenty of things we were already keen to buy, we fell in love with a shop called "hippi" and "Urban Milano"
The sun was shinning and there was a lovely slight breeze, perfect weather.
The lunch at the hotel was far from perfect, canteen food really, very little for vegetarians unless you like dry salad. Fortunately I ate around the ham and had some lovely broad beans .
We discovered the wonder that is Cocorum and strawberry slush puppy, Yum!
Spent a couple hours chilling at the beach. We did get into the water and froze! Did a bit of swimming but that was only so I wouldnt freeze to death haha! It was a lovely clear and rockless sea, it would be nicer in warmer weather.
We relaxed at our apartment balcony, quite a sun spot, i burnt my nose and right side. Nice hot shower in our very large shower was very enjoyable, dinner however, was not, a poor selection again. Enjoyed an evening stroll along the promenade with some of the hotels Pina colada's and purchased a Majorica pearl bracklet reduced to 29euro, BARGAIN!
SUNDAY 27TH APRIL
Cala millor is full of German holidayers (also refred to as Krauts apparently) Cala Bona, the town next to us, (within walking distance straight along the promenade) is full of loud Brits, and the place is not as nice, not as clean, modern and the shops aren't as good either, with no beach in sight (Cala Millor is much better!)
Another sunny morning, we strolled the shops of Cala Bona before having vegetarian paella and cheese p'amb oli (simple but nice, a majorcan speciality) in a charming little bar and restaurant in between Cala millor and Bona. We sat beside the sea enjoying the view while we ate our first tasty lunch out. We were served by the actual chef and the Spanish waitress was pleased that I asked for the bill in Spanish
La Cuenta Por Favore with drinks for less that 20euro, pretty reasonable!
English waiters however arent so great, Adam tried to use the bathroom in the bar/restaurant 20/20 to be rudely told he couldnt use it!
We then decided to to go on one of the glass bottom katamerans (perhaps not worth the 22euro but still enjoyable, i would definitely recommend it for the elderly and those with small children)
We sat on the top deck, the sea breeze and occassional salt spray upon our faces was refreshing. We sailed up to Cala Bona port before heading down to Sa Coma sailing along the coastline (a cleaner beach but with more seaweed than ours, Cala Millor beach has no seaweed)
We sailed on down past Porto Cristo and went to the "Pirate Cave" passing the Cala Romantica coastline. The cave was a very pretty rock formation, and made a lovely picture wastchign the waves crash over the edge of the cave ledge. We went to the bottom of the boat and spied some fish along the sea bed from the glass bottom of the boat. We sat at the back of the ship while we stopped in Porto Cristo, a lovely area full of people and shops with a small beach. our relaxing boat trip lasted just under 3 hours. When we returned we strolled along Cala Bona and Millor some more before grabbing dinner back at the hotel.We strolled up to the other side of Cala Millor sitting facing the beach near a bar called Cafe del sol while a live band played. very relaxing!
(Cala means cove, creek or fishing ground)
Monday 28th April PALMA
Got our room changed finally this morning., moved into a ground floor room, much bigger with a double bed and a single as well.
We wanted to get the early express bus (the stop is a literally a minute away from our room!) Palma buses, quite like those of mainland Spain have a timetable of their own, and NEVER show up on time! It arrived half an hour later, not fun. A return ticket to Palma was around 18 euro and it drove us through the main roads arriving in Palma just before 11am into an underground station. We carried a backpack stuffed with our picnic box we'd picked up earlier from the hotel and took the escalator up to go to the tourist office, purchasing tickets (18.90euro each) for the hop on hop off bus with a combined ticket to Bellver castle. The castle was closing at one so we hurried over to the stop and were lucky enough to not have to wait long until the bus appeared. The bus was packed, and unfortunately my earphone connecter wasnt working, I had to rely on Adam relaying the information from his to me. quite annoying. Thankfully The Castle stop was not too far on the bus. We gained free entry with our ticket, however I dont particularly feel it was worth the price for the bus as we later found out that everything was within walking distance.
It was a lovely day, Bellver castle was an old fortified castle built by James II of Majorca over 600 years ago, used as a castle, lookout, seige tower, and later a prison before finally becoming the museum that it is today, the castle had witnessed a lot of Majorcan history, up high above the city the inner courtyard was circular, the two stories of which looked down into it, arched around in an early Renaissance fashion.Presently there was an exhibition on a 600Ad Majorcan monastry, and another on the city of Palma itself over the centuries and the part Bellver castle played in it. The top of the castle, gave a 360` panoramic view of Palma city below and the far off Serra de Tramuntana. very pretty.
We jumped on the next tour bus and headed back down into the city centre, I was lucky enough to get a station that worked this time and there weren't as many people on as before, I was able to listen to the guide and hear about the different areas before we got off at the stop for the Cathedral le peu.
Next we stolled around the area and found the Convent of Saint Francis, unfortunately is was closed. The grand hotel , although beautiful on the outside was rather disappointing on the inside. Although a beautiful marble interior, the free exhibition wasnt what i expected. it was quite interesting, however, though not all of it was in English, an environment and sustainable living exhibit. Adam found it hilarious to write "Kelly was here 2k14" or "Kelldogg 2014" on the pages designated for visitors to suggest environmental ideas.
We spent a while in the Placo Major having received useful directions from locals in broken English on how to get there. The area was full of life and locals shopping, and little stalls. An Asian man hand designed my name in paints for only 2euro. We took some photos near the station at the Placo Espana before heading for our bus. WHICH DIDNT APPEAR FOR OVER AN HOUR!! The express never appeared and we had to get the normal bus at 5.35pm, not arriving back at the hotel until after 7 - poor service for an expensive service, an English couple earlier told us that the price has went up 4 euro, not cool! Back at the hotel we had some dinner (again nothing special) a hot shower and then a stroll along Cala Bona (or cala Boner as Adam dubbed it as its a poorer version of our area) introduced him to malibu and lemonade. Yum! 
TUESDAY 29TH APRIL
Cuaves del drach....caves of the dragon
The cocktail sausages out for breakfast this morning looked disgusting! Swimming in a briney grease, overcooked, cheap looking minature frankfurters that seemed to be trying to burst from the skin.
We'd wanted another picnic for today, but we learnt the hard way that you HAVE TO order before half 6. not 5 minutes past or half 6 on the dot.It must be before that. Was a bit rude when i asked to be honest, pretty unfair.
While waiting for our bus to take us past Porto Cristo to the caves of Drach. The Drach caves go 25m in total below ground near a cliff edge and are full of thousand of year old Staglamites and staglatites, and is also home to one of Europes largest underground lakes, Lake Martell.
We arrived with half an hour to kill and luckily being able to get on the tour for 12 as they close for lunch between 1 and 2. Our group was full of different nationalities, of a crowd of 2-300 (with a price of 14.50euro per ticket the place must make a fortune as this isn't peak season!)
There was a designer family (whom i think were Italian) all 3 sons were dressed in black designer clothes with fancy sunglasses and jewelry, and all bore an expression that they thought they were "all that" and of course, along with the Cougar mother, pushed in front of the queue for the tour even though they were not first on the scene, and of course, we got stuck behind them.The guide was very impressive, explaining different facts and pointing out different sections and areas of the caves on our tour telling us in several different languages: Spanish, French, Italian, Enlgish etc.He pointed out certain areas like the "coloum room" certain areas were lit up creating beautiful natural scenery, some of it seemed almost unreal, like something out of a Tolkein novel. Those nearby were worn smooth by constant tourist touch, like polished marble. There were so many different colours and sizes of Staglamites and Staglatites, some were huge and very old, as they only grew at a rate of 1cm per 100 years! some areas of the staglatites made the cave look like a prehistoric shark mouth! Monstrous! It was very warm and humid too, some of the rocks were damp, so strange, very interesting and beautiful though, a hidden gem of nature buried deep underground. The reflection of the staglatites in the small clear pools were truly spectacular, like something from a fairy tale, it looked so magical.
We walked lower down, darker with less lights and were told to take seats in what seemed like an auditorium like. It was only then did we realise just how many people were on the tour as it seemed to take 10 minutes for everyone to become seated. The lights went completely off and music began to play, a piano and violins, then slowly small lights began to appear on a boat like shape, the closer it came the more we saw, revealing a live quartet of violinists and a pianist, they played 3 beautiful songs up round the front of the lake. The lights reflecting off the dimly lit, but clear water before rowing away again; enchanting. We decided to skip the boat ride as it was only across a small portion of the lake and everyone would be rushing out, so we walked along the lake to the exit. At the top the light seemed almost blinding in contrast, I excitedly spotted a peahen and rushed out to get a closer look.
We walked the short distance to Porto Cristo, walking around the small yet serene and pretty port area and browsing some of the shops before having lunch in a more private area of the port, overlooking the boats called Asador Mediterrani. the young female owner was very friendly and we were lucky to get the offer of the day as it was vegetarian; 4 cheese (quesa) pizza with a lemonade (very fresh and lemony!) for 5 euro, we also got a tapas to try patatas bravos. they were moist yet slightly crunchy and the sauce seemed like a delicious mayonnaise/chilli combination. So nice! We browsed the shops again before getting on the bus.
We passed S’illiot, it’s pretty grim and abandoned looking, very glad we aren’t staying there, and SA Coma seems a lot like Cala Bona from what we saw when we passed. So happy with the area we are staying in! We chilled at the beach on our return (the pool area at the hotel was once again full of Brits as its quite the sun trap and also the afternoon bar area, full of drunk Brits who get dress up to sit in the sad hotel indoor bar at night) dinner again wasn’t exciting but they did do some nice veg, a cheesy celery sort of dish which I surprisingly loved as I hate celery usually! We spent the rest of the night until nearly 11 relaxing at Café du sol at the opposite end of Cala millor heading to the Sa coma area. They had a beautiful sea view in a quieter area yet also had a live band who were quite good. Got a delicious café bon bon and we had a blanket to keep us cosy when it got cooler (an excellent idea!)
Wednesday 30th April
Palma
The east of Majorca is the place to go for cycling, very flat, and areas like Cala Millor and Cala Bona have the promenade sectioned off for pedestrians and cyclists, several rollerblades too! You can rent out bikes daily or weekly (or like several of the passengers on our flight over, bring your own over with you) you can alternatively rent out family or couple buggies were you sit in a golf buggy like “car” and peddle or an electric bicycle.
Had a hot milk with breakfast,, love “leche” over here, its so much creamier. Luckily for us today the “Palma Express” arrived on time for once arriving before 11 and hitting the shops once we arrived in Palma, at Placa D’Espana, Placa Major and the surrounding areas. We found a great skateboarding shop were Adam got a cool t-shirt, hand made, with only a few made in that design, it’s a Majorcan shop and brand known as “shine” We also found a great t-shirt making shop in the shopping centre area under Placa Major, got a vest top with a tattooed girl on it.
A hot 27* today we dandered around to the historic area near the cathedral, a lovely Spanish woman saw we looked a little lost and confused and offered us useful directions to it (how kind!) We found a beautiful courtyard garden area in partial bloom with a raised area with a stone columned pond with lots of goldfish a lilies in it, surrounded by a wall of pink flowers cascading over the top. Bonita!
I tripped whilst coming out of the garden letting out a surprised kung fu noise causing everyone to turn and stare and Adam to pretend he didn’t know me, I do make the oddest noises
We tried “Cocarrois” a Majorcan pastry, meat or vegetable, the pastry itself seemed slightly sweet yet the filling was a fruity tomato tang with chickpeas, leeks and some other vegetables, very different! We strolled round to “la Llojha” an old church like building near the Palma Port. We sat in the square in front of it, admiring it before strolling around again finding “Spain’s second best ice-cream” yes, that IS what it said on the sign, and it was delicious! Adam got 3 scoops all made with fruit and almost sorbet like, very tasty, I got banoffee, you could taste the bananas they had used to make it, I definitely recommend!
We strolled back to Placa D’Espana finding a large market set up full of foods and hand made jewellery, I had a delicious strawberry infused wine /sangria, very refreshing on this very warm day! Then, before heading for our bus we sat in the park beside it. So relaxing!
Unfortunately however when the express did actually turn up, we were ambushed for it, it was filled to the brim and we were behind the last people allowed on, so annoying! Perhaps a good thing though, there was some British “milly” who kept staring and giving me dirty looks from the bus, she was sitting beside her boyfriend and clearly kept trying to slabber about me but he couldn’t seem to care any less, it was very rude, especially since she made eye contact with me as I watched her do it a couple times.Thankfully, another bus appeared soon after and we got on, though it didn’t leave for a while it was just nice to be sitting in the bus. Calla tela boca - shut your mouth
WE arrived in good time for some dinner, plain as always but Malibu slush puppies hit the spot! We went to the nearby arcade and had a game of air hockey, needless to say, my competitive streak came out, and I lost! Back in our room we had visitors, ants, which got stamped on. We put the tv on and watched the snooker which has been on all day all week and is also in German! We then went to a nearby cocktail bar called Mint. The waiter put us beside the heat lamp and gave us blankets, got a tasty large creamy Pina colada and continued being competitive by playing cards and winning, and laughing manically as I won ever game! There was live entertainment, a man singing Tom Jones songs, and he was good, however he seemed to believe he was the Spanish version of Tom Jones, he got into the crowd, and had some ejits up dancing too along with the Spanish waiter(and a highly probable gay, who sort of looked like Johnny form “the Room” waiter) quite a funny environment.
Spanish May day
We got up at 6.20am and headed to the beach. It was already light out, but the sun had not yet risen. The area was empty, The birds were up and already tweeting, the sky was turning a light blue the only other people on the beach were a couple of photographers. The men who guard the huge sandcastles soon appeared also (there’s two sandcastles near the beach wall, one is particularly cool, it has a sand bridge with a track and battery train!)
We sat on the wall, cuddled close for warmth, watching as the sun started to make an appearance, the sky softly turning an orange hue, bigger and brighter as the sun began to rise higher, the light of the rays reflecting beautifully across the water. I went closer to inspect, the sand was freezing but for once the water was bearable and warmer than a few days ago, dipping my feet in. It was a beautiful sight watching the sun arise, and the changing colours flood the sky full of life and vibrancy, a wonderful sight, a natural everyday experience that goes by daily with out full appreciation, the transformation of light to dark, night to day.
We slept for a couple hours and got breakfast, our plans to go to Cala Rajhata fell through as in Spain the 1st of May is May day, therefore the buses were on Sunday timetable. With so few buses we decided to go back to Port Cristo, having lunch in the same restaurant as last time. The owner recognised us and remembered I was a vegetarian, the offer wasn’t suitable for us, so instead we got some tapas - bravos potatoes (spicier this time and not as nice as the first but still good) Spanish omelette with pepper (YUM!) tempura chicken and a margarita pizza(even nicer than before!) we strolled the shops. The main square area near the beach was full of Spanish locals enjoy their may day, tables were set up with lots of food , drink and music playing. We briefly lazed on the beach, a hotter day, I dipped my feet in the water (this beach, unlike Cala Millor has seaweed) We got the bus back and headed to our own beach which was a bit windier. Back at the apartment, our foreign neighbours cajoled me into having shots with them, some rank brandy liquor thing. Roasting, I plunged into the pool at the hotel to cool off.
Dinner was slightly better this night, a cheesy tomato pastries were back and there was more cauliflower and sprouts which I poured a sauce over. We stocked up on 33euro of cheap drink for home in the local shop before going back to café del sol. There was a great blues/rock band playing classics such as Eric Clapton, Guns n Roses. The older American guitarist was funny, he kept pulling sexual faces and moves whilst strumming his guitar. The drummer had a Jesus look going on,. Amusing and talented, great to watch over a cream, Kahlua and baileys coffee!
FRIDAY 2ND MAY
Cala - a creek or cove
Our last day, our plan for a morning swim failed as it was very overcast and kind of cold, so much so that I put on my sweat pants that id travelled in and a jacket.
We went to get some more goodies for home, cheetos were a must before the final packing. We weren’t able to do a late check in as we would have had to sort that out the night before (having waited 20 minutes for an iron before that to be informed that we couldn’t have one as you need to rent it for a day!!) 7our armbands were cut off but we still snuck a few drinks, we even could have had the lunch but decided against it, may as well treat ourselves on the last day (sucks for those people who paid to keep the armband an extra day) We strolled down toward Cala Bona to a t shirt making shop. Unfortunately the cool design Adam picked out didn’t turn out right, but I got Ryan a cool Robocop morph with iron man t shirt. The guy gave us discount for the other t shirt at least. Got some silly Majorca magnets for the family and were able to chill on a bench on the promenade as the sun had decided to come out. We were going to try a tapa like place near the bus stop but found it a poor selection for vegetarians so instead we went to a fantastic Indian nearby, getting 3 courses and drinks for under 10 euro. SOO tasty! We shared our starters, a bhaji and samosa, so full of flavour and texture. We both got kormas for the main having snacked on popadums with the traditional side sauces before that, delicious as always! The main was sublime, we got pilau rice and a cheesy garlic Nan bread, the best kind of Nan, with the garlic slices made in it. NOM! The only problem was it was very filling and I couldn’t finish it, never mind look at a dessert!
Adam haggled down a great new Fossil watch, and managed to get me free pearls earrings in the deal too all for 136 euro. A gun metal steel strap with a very unique mahogany face. The guy asked us how our lunch was as he’d passed us earlier! We recommended it!
Got cool diesel boots on sale for 55euro, very similar to dm’s but softer with the cool diesel logo on the side, more springy too!
Kicked ass again beside the beach, beating Adam 3 times at cards, I don’t even need to think about cheating I’m that good (air hockey however is a different story!)
Back at the hotel waiting for our bus it appeared there was more English holidayers, one who were very drunk. Unfortunately for us some vulgar drunk sat and tried to chat to us, he seemed unsure whether he wanted to start a fight or to try and chat me up in front of my boyfriend…nice. We could barely understand him he was that far gone, thankfully he spotted a friend and we made our escape with our luggage to wait outside for our bus (there was a handy booklet undated daily with the bus details of the residents at the reception) thankfully it appeared soon and we made our way to the airport. Sad to leave the holiday, not sad to leave the drunks!
We arrived around 9, slightly earlier than anticipated (we were however very pleased with our hotel having seen some of the places and areas we’d picked up others!) we finally got to try liquor 43! A very helpful and friendly Spaniard working in the duty free let us try, its actually nice to sip plain, and apparently lovely with most things, such as orange juice and even milk! We therefore bought 2 bottles which were on offer that luckily enough came with a recipe book! That mans we’re coming home with 3 litres of it! Its much cheaper at the airport as apparently there’s always a deal on. As our flight was so late the other shops had began to close, meaning no food. Thankfully when we boarded the Spanish lady and her child who were meant to be seated next to us moved, as there were a good few empty seats meaning I could recline over Adam and nap. A much more relaxed flight than the one we got over! We arrived less than 3 hours later and quickly picked up our luggage and boarded the bus. We made it into the centre in 20minutes, that’s a record! Our taxi driver (it was late and we were lazy and tired at nearly 3am) told us that in all his years working the spot outside the Europa he’d never seen anyone get off that bus at that time! Home safe, and unfortunately much colder already!
Adios amigos!
Hey, awesome read. Sounds like you guys had a crazy time. Majorca sounds like an interesting place...if only you could remove all the tourists and the drunken revelry. Photos are fantastic! Shame about the hotel being so iffy.
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